So much despair. Feel so worthless. Can’t pull out of it. So much physical pain. So lonely, so alone. Jealous of all humans who seem to be able to do something I can’t, which is everyone. Feel broken and defeated. No end in sight. How do I keep going when I have no hope? How can I create hope when there is no reason for hope? Feel like I’m losing my precious son. Feel like I have failed him miserably. Feel irredeemable. Somehow must keep going when body is failing, mental is failing. Everywhere I see only death and destruction. Trump. Health Insurance. Death and Loss. So much unknown, everything unknown. Friend’s words are hollow, don’t touch my heart. I think they are over this sob story. Want so much to escape. No escape. Help me please, anyone. Hear my prayer God, please.

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18 thoughts on “Prayer

  1. I am so sorry you are feeling this. Whether you know it or not, you are touching many people with your blog. People will read this today and in the future and you will help them. Most people don’t have the empathy and insight that one does when they have struggled through physical pain for a long time. I see that as light out of darkness. I have faith that you will be alright and i am sending you warm wishes and love. I think that pain and tv news/facebook etc don’t often mix. Our brains can get into a dark place that can be really hard when you have chronic pain. One of the best pain advice nuggets I ever received was from a nurse and it was “turn on a funny movie.” It really can help the brain chemically with pain. A lot. .. Stay strong.

    Liked by 3 people

      1. You already do matter. No need to want for it. And you are making a difference. You are helping people see that they are not alone and you are helping people understand others. As you know, pain is so misunderstood. Blogs like this one are necessary and should be required reading for MDs.
        I have no idea if this is helpful but, for me, I think i started to improve a lot when i truly started to believe that i was getting well. I could see myself as a person who could move around again. I could see myself as a person who felt good. I think the visualization really helped me to get to a better place physically and emotionally. As bonkers as it may have looked, I had signs around my apartment encouraging me. Yes, I placed them there. πŸ™‚ Sometimes when things are hardest, we need the reminder that we can and will overcome. I think that helped me a lot anyway..

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      2. Thank you for the encouragement and support. I think that out beliefs about our ability to heal have a huge impact on our wellness. So I think the signs are great and I should probably make some of my own!

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  2. I always read your posts and I learn so much from you. Yoi touch ME, and I am grateful to you and for you. I , too, will hold you in sacred space and pray for you. As the others say, it is difficult with media to feel ok, even when you are 100%. I am not expert but maybe a funny video on Youtube, for temporary break? I am thinking of you.

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  3. Those are the words that I didn’t dare to express, but that my heart felt a few weeks ago. It is such a incredibly hard place to be. I’m so sorry that you have to be there right now. It breaks my heart to hear that. We feel so alone, and like no one understands. They just want us to say that were are good. But sometimes we aren’t (or lots of times πŸ˜‰ ). It feels like we are losing ourselves- who we are- through all of this. It’s sad and it’s scary. But where it the truth? The truth is that it will end. The truth is that it’s okay to be so utterly broken. The truth is that God see, He hears, He cares, and He has a plan. Even when we don’t see, and we don’t understand. When God feels farthest away… with Jesus on the cross, or Joseph in prison, or Job… that is when He is closest. I don’t know if that helps, it is just what I held onto when I was (and am) in that awful, horrible, place. I may not have the answer, or the right words, but I understand, and am praying.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for commenting and I’m sorry you have also been going through this. Everything helps right now. I especially liked the part about when God feels farthest away is when he is closest. I am going to hold on to that. I hope we both are headed for better days.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I hope so too. πŸ™‚ There are so many times I wish I could take the pain away for people, since I’ve experienced it myself, but I can’t. All I have are words! I pray they encourage you! As RSDecoding says, “Stay strong!” πŸ™‚ … or, when you’re weak, rely on God’s strength. πŸ˜‰ (2 Corinthians 12:9) πŸ™‚

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Thank you. I often find myself resisting help from God. I think I always try to do it myself, and often think I am not supported on a spiritual level. I think life is a co-creation and that I need to allow God to help me.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I hear you. I’ve been there. I’m often there. I am definitely praying for hope to streak through this dark path, for something to sustain you day by day. You are heard and known and definitely needed in this world. You have subscribers who need to hear your story – all of it. And it’s not done yet.
    With all my prayers and as much strength as I can give,

    Lisa

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Write the signs. “You will overcome this.” “You are strong.” Talk to yourself the way you’d cheer someone else on. Take in that information every single day, several times a day. These are simple but the messages might actually mean more coming from you and feeding your subconscious than coming from any other person. And suddenly your recovery may not seem so distant. I am stoked for you. There was a long, dark time when I saw no way out of my situation. And then something happened. I sort of just started to buy my own self talk and things really changed. You can do this. xo

    Liked by 1 person

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